The Real Work of Love

This has been a really interesting year for me. I have learned, lost, failed, and learned over and over. Each year comes with its challenges and opportunities for growth. I am learning to be present. I am learning to lean in to the growth and experiences of each day, learning to love myself through the process. For so much of my life, I have thought that I would be happier or happiest if I made it to the next thing. “When I get that job, move to that place, get that pet or when I get married…etc. It was always about the next thing and how it would make me feel. I thought perfection was a normal standard and perfection was what I held myself to. One of the most beautiful things that this year has brought is the ability to be present and love myself. Loving yourself when you are successful is easy. Loving yourself when others patience has run out or when you fail not once, but again and again is not easy. Loving yourself through the journey of growing is much harder. Loving yourself when you are not perfect is the real work of true love. I have set myself up for failure many times by not loving myself well, relying on the opinions of others to determine my success. We are the only ones who can love ourselves unconditionally.  If our worth or self love is left up to someone else or an external factor, it will fail. Letting others determine how you see yourself or love yourself will inevitably bring confusion, hurt and pain. People are imperfect. Even the best of intentions can fall short. The best of relationships can cause pain. If we let other peoples imperfections determine our worth, we will never succeed. Others love towards us should be an overflow of how we already feel about ourselves. So as fierce as you are at loving others, be fiercer at loving yourself. Love yourself until there is no fear left and let the strength rise from the inside. Choose people to be in your life that reflect the strength and love you have inside, not the ones that discourage you and point out your failures. Love yourself until all you see is a bad ass that is imperfectly growing. Love yourself well. You are the only one who can determine who you are. Don’t give that power away to anyone.